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Thought I’d start off the day with a little rant. Consider yourself warned!
We’re working on partnering with local retail video game stores to bring our live demo lecture to the parents who patronize them and while speaking with a manager today, he told me something which didn’t surprise me but did inspire me to write this post. I was telling him about how as part of our Parenting in the Digital Age program, not only do we do a live demo of setting up parental controls on the PS3/Xbox360/Wii, but we also speak to parents about some of the “gotchas” of video games like downloadable content (DLC) and online gaming as well as provide them with some sensible parenting tips on setting proper boundaries with their little gamers and when I finished he proceeded to tell me how needed that was because, often, he gets parents in his store who go to buy games which clearly aren’t appropriate for their children’s age. I know a lot of the time this is due to parents just not knowing, but what he said got under my skin a little, I must admit. He told me that a lot of the time, the parents actually ARE aware of what’s in the game as he reminds them of the ESRB rating but they simply dismiss it as, “Well, he’s going to play it somewhere else anyway.” I thought to myself, “Really? Wow.”
Which brings us to the image of the Roman Legionnaire, who in Western culture is often associated with being a “gatekeeper.” I know that sometimes, with the sheer glut of information and technology and new potential problems we parents have to deal with it can all seem overwhelming sometimes, but if we decide to take a stand, be the gatekeeper (even if it means being the lone gatekeeper in our sphere of influence) and not let our younger children play games which they may not be old enough to “digest” yet, then others may follow. If more of us decided to wait until what we let our children play was age appropriate, there would be fewer houses for our children to go to to “just play it somewhere else.” This is where my favorite adage, “it takes a village to raise a child comes into play.” If we all circle the wagons, we stand the best chance of standing against whatever we deem a threat. If we all take the attitude that it won’t matter then anything can enter and take us apart. I guess that’s part of the problem though is that far too often we don’t think something is a threat until it’s too late. We don’t arm ourselves with information until a problem is already, well, a problem. We as a society fail time and again when it comes to preventive maintenance. Just ask my wife how hard it is to get me to a doctor sometimes. 
Now, I’m not saying that you should have my morals. Or that you should live by anyone else’s but those you’ve established for your own family but when I sit and talk to most parents, there are generally some very universal concepts most of us can agree on. Some of these ultra-violent and very realistic first person shooters can be a little much for young gamers (I’m talking 9-11yr olds) and yet people still buy them. Games like Grand Theft Auto are still being purchased by some parents for younger children. Boys have such a strength in them and what we expose them to when they’re young will shape so much of how they will exercise that strength over their peers. Will we shape them to be overly aggressive and objectify women by allowing so much media into their lives which enforces caveman behavior through poor celebrity “role models” and constant gaming immersion or will we help them find that their strength is to create and build instead of destroy. Don’t throw in the towel or “cop out” mom and dad. Your children are depending on you!
Yeah, this is coming off “ranty” and I know it. Just had to blow off some steam on that one. Thanks for listening/reading.
About Tshaka Armstrong
I am wondering how many parents are actually buying the games “for the kids” and then the dads get to play it? I must admit that am not a gamer, but I do get to see many of the parents out there and especially new dads that are from the gamer generation (yes I was in High School when Atari was a new company) and have grown up with the likes of Grand Theft Auto and don;t necessarily have the filters built in that I as an older dad might have. That might be a bit of a stretch I am no0t sure but I know when its time to get all the kids outside and play some fresh air stuff once in a while because that was what I grew up knowing. If you grew up knowing every cheat and easter egg and cool move on video games perhaps that is all you can pass along as a “gatekeeper”? A thought from an older dad.
Great points Jim. I’m definitely from the gamer generation and have spent many many hours playing to “beat the game,” but I was also an avid extreme sports enthusiast so I spent an equal amount of time outdoors on my skateboard or rollerblades.
I definitely agree with the notion that many dads may not see the ultra-violence the same way I do because they’ve been desensitized to it by their own game play as children. I think I stay aware of it because I have so many friends in the military and I’ve seen so much death and pain in my years in the news business. Video game death and carnage should require a certain level of maturity, imo. I’ve been telling my sons since they started asking me to buy them that once I feel they have a mature enough perspective on human life I’ll let them have a first person shooter and not before.
Thanks again for your comment. It’s nice sometimes when I don’t feel like a lone crazy man shouting in the forest.
RT @DShepherds: New Post: Our Founder gets a little “ranty” today. #Parents, “gatekepers” and age appropriate #videogames http://tinyurl …
RT @DShepherds: New Post: Our Founder gets a little “ranty” today. #Parents, “gatekepers” and age appropriate #videogames http://tinyurl …
Rant all you want Tshaka, your knowledge and passion for kids’ safety is much appreciated by me. Having worked previously as Director of a Tutoring Club, and parented also my own now college age daughters, I have witnessed first hand the truth that if a child really wants to see something they will. The reality is those dynamics were in play long before the parents entered the video store. Developing peer relationships is a key developmental stage for fourth graders and few parents realize it is actually normal for peer opinions to begin to matter more to them than their parents. Children friend children they find exciting on the playground, and within minutes one parent’s pampered angel becomes BFF with a child who babysits himself after school.
All the more reason, as you say, those of us who are paying attention have to be vigilant for all. We need to have standards, know our kids, know our kids’ friends and most importantly, educate ourselves on the most effective ways to communicate with children. Contrary to popular culture, which treats life skills like genetic inheritance, we can improve our communication and interpersonal skills once we are adults. The costs of not, and potentially alienating our kids and having them “be cool” behind our backs, get a whole lot higher once they enter highschool. Hugs for a great share. “Mama Marlaine” Founder Parenting 2.0 LinkedIN.
Thank you for your kind words and great observations! And, yes, the stakes definitely get higher as our children enter high school.
Excellent post Tshaka. It’s an important “rant” for parents to hear. “Well, my child will just be exposed to that elsewhere” (or eventually for that matter) is indeed a parental cop-out. (Pretty mild as far as rants go, I’d say…)