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So, this is the first official post for my new bi-weekly segment, Raising A Media Savvy Girl. Let’s begin with a little history first, a question should get us started. Why should you listen to me besides the fact that I currently have a 14 year old daughter who is pretty well adjusted (as of today’s date at least) and emotionally healthy? For that I have to thank the Mrs., Mom and Mother-in-law as much as anything. To answer the question, I’ve spent the last 15 years of my life creating content focused on grabbing you and your children’s eyes and ears. I have been an editor in film and tv all that time, as well as a promotional writer and even won a few awards along the way. In other words, I know first hand what is done to draw you in when it comes to broadcast media. And with this knowledge, I have spent time with my daughter explaining media and it’s attempted influence on her. I’ve even done the same for her friends who’ve hung around our house and have always been amazed because I always thought they’d be so bored listening to this “old guy” preach, but for the most part they’ve been a captive audience. They want to know what music is really saying to them. They want to know that advertisements get to them by first telling them they’re not good enough. They want to know that it’s ok to be them. It’s ok to have blotches and not drown your face in concealer before your own hormones have had a chance to stabilize from puberty (if that ever really happens). It’s ok NOT to look like women on the covers of Bridal magazines or ELLE, or most other fashion/haute couture magazines. It’s ok to be a girl. Awesome and imperfect and lovable and beautiful and moody. It’s all ok. I hope that by writing this series of posts I will help you, in some small way, help your daughter to be ok with who she is as you seek to counter all the messages that the media in all its forms is throwing at her.
For this first post, I’m going to focus on magazines since that seemed to be what my daughter and I first tackled. I’ve always been a magazine junkie. Any time I’ve taken on a new hobby or activity, I hit the newsstands and pick up whatever appear to be the best magazines on the subject. So, naturally, when the kids were with me on my magazine runs, my daughter would pick up the magazines with all the celebrities in them and gush about how pretty or handsome they were. While this may be true, I also know that in many cases a lot of work goes into making them look that way. So, thanks to People magazine I would show my daughter what they often really looked like. I found that from time to time, People would have these cover shots of what certain celebs looked like without their makeup. When she was with me I would make it a point to pick those issues up and point that out. I really didn’t want her measuring herself against the perfection that is the coveted “Cover Shot” in some of the trendiest magazines and figured this would go a long way to showing her that people on magazines are normal people too. They have blotches and pimples and dark spots under their eyes. They’re human and that’s ok. One of the best videos I’ve ever seen that emphasizes this is an ad I saw once on Facebook. It was by Dove and illustrated my point quite well. Check it out below. Then, have your own daughter check it out. It’s an invaluable tool for the topic of our discussion.
If you haven’t already seen it, it’s pretty unsettling isn’t it? I’m so glad they did this and put it out because it’s a great lesson for young ladies: you can’t measure up to something that doesn’t exist so stop trying to. Since people seem to like lists for getting them to actionable steps, check out the list below for tips to keep your daughter from measuring herself against an impossible standard.
1. It’s about positive self-image. Self-image is how your daughter views herself. Not in light of others, but in light of herself. (ie, I’m intelligent, too tall, too short, just right, talented, etc) Help your daughter to create an honest and healthy self image so she isn’t measuring herself against impossible standards. In order to truly see herself through lenses uncolored by magazine media, make it a point to show her, in some of those same magazines, what celebrities really look like with their makeup off. This isn’t for the sake of comparison, but more for her not creating an unrealistic standard for her own self-actualized sense of beauty.
2. Share the Dove-Evolution video above. Watch it together and discuss it. What does she think about the difference in how the woman looked before and after her makeover? What about the difference between her real makeover and the digital makeover she received after all the makeup and glam was applied?
3. Get an idea of the standard of beauty your daughter already has in her mind by asking her who she thinks the five prettiest women she’s seen anywhere or on film and tv are. Who her physical role models are says a lot about how she may see herself.
4. Talk to your daughter about her own beauty. Sometimes in doing so, she’ll reveal her own areas of insecurity and you can address those together. This is where the honest self-image part comes in. If she feels she’s a little overweight (and she is), maybe you can offer to go for a daily walk with her. It’s ok to have these issues, but helping your children do something about their insecurities goes a long way to helping them establish an honest self-image and sometimes there’s nothing they need to do with an insecurity but learn to be ok in their own skin. Something many of us struggle with well into our own adult years.
Some of these steps you can only do as I’ve outlined here with an older child, but I began showing these pictures of models/actresses sans glam when my daughter was pretty young. Around 9 or 10 year old, so start young before all the media images have a chance to begin shaping her ideal self.
*Update: Read the second post in the series -- Tween Celeb Sexualization
About Tshaka Armstrong
RT @DShepherds: Raising Media Savvy Girls: The Magazine Perfection Myth http://www.digitalshepherds.com/blog/?p=...
Great post. I was thinking of that Dove clip as soon as I saw your title. We have to be proactive.
We don’t watch much TV, but I’ve been teaching my kids the power of the mute button. They play a game where they make up their own commentary during the ads. Can be pretty hilarious.
Good stuff.
Great information! As a therapist working with adolescent girls and their parents, I have used this video in session, I love it. Thank you for reposting. I first do an exercise where I have them look at magazines with me in the office, while we are looking I have them tear out pages of what they think is healthy vs thin. We then go over the reality of advertising ( I love Jean Kilbournes Killing Us Softly III as a reference). I wish more parents would do this with their kids, at earlier ages like you mentioned above. When you notice them reading a magaizine that you think is inappropriate, instead of taking it away (they will want it more) ask them about their observations, what do they think about the cover, what do the titles fo articles imply? Getting them to think on their own is the best start to healthy decision making.
Great post!
Thank you for the additional tips Emily! My daughter and I do what you said in line at the grocery store. Just talk about the magazine headlines and articles. It’s fun to do actually.
And thank you for the vote of confidence. I must admit to being a little nervous being a “guy” posting on issues which effect gals, even though I’m doing this at home.
Thank you sir!
Yeah, the mute button is quite handy. The game you all play with the commercial sounds fun. Kind of like Commercial Mystery Science Theater 3000. (Best. Show. Evar!!)
As a mother with two daughters you have no idea how important this is. I limit tv and those kinds of influences but my oldest who is 5 is already starting on the whole “is this a cute outfit mommy?” I guess I also need to teach her that I am beautiful and as a mother be a good role model in that way.
Great post, it’s nice to see a dad who’s seeing the trend too. We have so much to learn as parents so I’m thinking twice about how and what I myself talk about in front of my daughters.
Ah, 5 years old. So much fun! Speaking of trends, in one of these segments, I’ll be discussing how our daughters will like Disney singers and actresses and how often those same entertainers may end up eventually becoming an influence we may not have been prepared for. I watched the pattern a few times when my daughter was young watching the Lindsay Lohans and Britney Spears’ of the entertainment world and eventually had to have a talk with her about….well, I’ll save it for the post.
Thank you for your comment and interaction! I love seeing moms and dads chatting here.
Thank you so much for posting this. We have two little girls and the thought of them growing up with body image issues and/or inferiority complexes is enough to make my head hurt
K
RT @DShepherds: New Post: Raising Media Savvy Girls: The Magazine Perfection Myth http://www.digitalshepherds.com/blog/?p=... #moms #dadstalking #parenting
You’re welcome! Stay plugged into what we’re doing. We’re making this a regular bi-weekly series.
You’re welcome! Stay plugged into what we’re doing. We’re making this a regular bi-weekly series.
You’re welcome! Stay plugged into what we’re doing. We’re making this a regular bi-weekly series.
@DShepherds Thank you for sending the link! That was a great post
RT @DShepherds: Have u read our most popular post yet? Raising A Media Savvy Girl… self-image & harmful messages http://tinyurl.com/27 …
This was incredibly intelligent writing. I have a daughter who is 7 and the QUEEN of my house…lol
Thanks for the compliment! I appreciate it. So, 7 and the Queen? Yep, sounds about right.
Wonderful post! Great suggestions for conversations in both the article and the comments. Will discuss with my daughter. I’ll also discuss with our boys. I think it’s relevant for them as well in contemplating the notions of beauty (and truth).
You’re right, there are definitely some insights boys can learn from that Dove video as they themselves become aware of (dare I say it…) GIRLS! Especially with the images of beauty they are bombarded with to sell product to them via their “hormones.” Thank you for adding to the great suggestions in the comments here.